It’s The Willingness to Stare Failure In The Face
The simple psychological problem encountered in suffering is to give suffering some meaning
Courtesy of Commons.Wikimedia
Philosophers, theologians, and psychologists have long recognized that suffering is an inherent condition of human life.
In the words of the atheist philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche, “To live is to suffer; to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering.”
In the contemporary context, many people are suffering on equivalence with that of the biblical Job: An horrible war is lugging with it a terrifying nuclear threat; plague furies; liberal democracy seems to cling to life barely; and, as we contaminate the climate on which our species depends, masses die drowning, burning, or running.
The Book of Job is a profound work on human suffering. Job addresses the perennial question: why do bad things happen to good people? Where is God in our suffering? Job lost all his property, his children died, and he suffered great physical agony. In the character of Job, we recognize our questions about suffering, and we may even identify with the defenses he offers and the reasons he expresses for not deserving the calamity thrust upon him.
Job’s outrage at his misfortune is based on naïve, misguided assumptions about reward and punishment. Why should we think that the universe is just?
Suffering is inevitable, and if you didn’t get the memo on that, you’d forever wait for eternal bliss, a bullshit kind of enlightenment. You’ll see every challenge as a failure, every adversity as an injustice, every inconvenience as a personal slight, and every disagreement as a betrayal. You’ll be burning with entitlement and bluster, running circles around your misjudgment in constant motion, yet arrive nowhere.
Much of contemporary culture seeks ever-increasing ease of life and alleviation of stress. It often views stress and suffering as an indication of something gone wrong. But suffering fulfills a variety of functions in the life and personality of a human being; it can cause personality degradation or further personality development. Therefore, we can speak of the ambivalent character of suffering.
Think about it: Why do people like to watch scary movies or listen to sad songs? Why do we run marathons and raise children, even though both pursuits come with struggle and pain?
The elementary psychological problem encountered in suffering is giving suffering some meaning.
Fundamentally, refusal to suffer makes it impossible for us to learn from our experiences: If I never experience the pain of my hand seared by the stove, how can I learn to avoid this kind of pain in the future? If I never feel the pricking pain of someone hurting me, how can I realize the importance of setting a shielding boundary with them? If I deny the pain I cause myself through self-attacking thoughts or self-harm, how can I develop the compassion and concern I will need to stop?
We suffer because suffering is biologically useful. Frustrated and insecure people will do the most work to innovate and survive. The roots of suffering are grounded in our evolutionary heritage. Suffering motivates us to move away from things that can cause us harm, whereas pleasure and happiness help us move toward things that are good for us.
Birth is painful, growing up entails pain and frustration, poor health brings pain and anguish, old age is painful, and death causes great grief to those left behind. These are the obvious forms of suffering. Life also involves subtler forms of pain: not getting what we want, attachment to people and material possessions, constant change causing difficulty adapting, etc.
Yearning or aversion causes us difficulties when unsatisfied. Naturally, we try to circumvent them; but this leads to more problems since our efforts at avoidance often result in further suffering from disappointment or guilt, which in turn leads back towards more yearning or aversion! It sounds like a freaking merry-go-round.
Human beings can choose an attitude toward suffering. We can notice or deny it, bear or raise it, tolerate or fight it, accept or control, minimize or enlarge it.
If we think of the Book of Job as a ‘wisdom text,’ perhaps it is saying that real wisdom — at least some of the most important forms — may only be acquired through intimate, first-personal experience, particularly in terms of suffering, that there is no easy way to learn of reality except through suffering.
In a society that coddles itself from the inevitable discomfort of life, we lose the benefits of experiencing a healthy dose of pain. We need to remember that happiness comes from solving problems. It makes sense because to achieve satisfaction, you need something to solve. It’s a form of action. It’s a work in progress. So denial and victim mentality are only temporary escapes from problems.
Look, I don’t mean to make light of your mother abandoning you when you were seven or your midlife crisis. It’s just that your brain is alerting you that there are unaddressed emotions. Look at it as a call to action. A more interesting way to look at it is, “What are you willing to struggle for?”
The sneaky little truth is that whatever you do, wherever you go, life will follow you with its failures, regrets, loss, or death. So if you haven’t learned how to overcome pain, you’ll be doomed, forever stuck in a wishful thing for a happy life. You will encounter reflections on darkness, failure, and the seeming necessity of suffering for transformation.
Pain is a central part of the human experience; there’s no way around it. The Book of Job covers all its pain bases. Physical pain. Rash, boils, and blisters. Emotional pain. Death of pretty much everyone Job knows. In this story, the question isn’t whether pain exists but how to react.
What’s interesting about the book, in general, is that in some important ways, it seems to be a story about why you shouldn’t try to solve evil; why you shouldn’t try to investigate why these things happen to you. Accepting your struggles is not the avoidance of them — nor is it the salvation from them.
In the face of all that is in front of the world today, amid all the misfortunes we are hurtling toward or already experiencing, I’ve found that by sharing Job’s outraged honesty, we have been provided a framework for why it’s worth it to keep going.
Since suffering is inescapable, I believe the attempt to avoid it is a fool’s game. Moreover, it only leads to long-lasting stress, which harms our bodies and minds. Failure and catastrophe are necessary for developing strong-minded individuals.
Only after Job accepts that he cannot persist in questioning God regarding his pain can he continue living. At that time, God rebuilds his wealth and replaces the children he lost. This is simply a reality that, although no lost child can be replaced, new children are born — or may be adopted — and Job must continue living even in the face of such terrible misery as the loss of his children.
Upon closer examination, from a literary point of view, the Book of Job — dealing with an existential question of how to comfort Job and help him learn to live with, or overcome, his pain and suffering — is an example of the nature of the Biblical literature — concerned not with abstract philosophical truth, but with teaching us how to live as human beings.