Misleading and Lies: Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

People lie for various reasons, and everyone lies to some degree

Courtesy of Wikimedia.org

I won’t lie to you. I lie sometimes.

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“How do you like my haircut?” asks one of my friends.

I stare at her, pretend I’m contemplating my answer, and lie through my teeth.

“I love it. It looks great! Makes you look younger.” Blah! Blah! Really? Get a hold of yourself, Henya!

She looks doubtful. “Really?”

She knows I’m lying.

“Really,” I insist. And we leave it at that.

“I lost ten pounds. Have you noticed?” asks a friend I haven’t seen for a month.

Of course, I noticed. You look like you were just released from a concentration camp.

“Amazing,” I lie.

This friend believes me because she wants to. So, all is fine and dandy. Mission accomplished.

We lie. All of us lie to a certain degree. I do. And you do, too!

For instance, you point to presents under the Christmas tree and announce to your clueless ‘youngins’ that a dude who answers to the name Santa Claus put them there. This deliberate deception goes beyond Santa, the Tooth Fairy, or the Easter Bunny.

In the story of Pinocchio, one of the main lessons that can be derived is the importance of honesty. Throughout his journey as a wooden puppet hoping to become a real boy, Pinocchio learns that lies only lead to more significant problems.

Some may call lies dishonesty. Others may call it deceit. If you stop and think about it, lying — simply put — is not being truthful. This is what scientists call “prosocial lies.”

In my exchange with my friends, it’s a falsehood I told for their benefit, unlike “antisocial lies” that are told strictly for gain.

In fact, I was trying to resolve two conflicting norms — dishonesty vs. kindness, which you could consider reflecting moral and emotional reasoning.

When you think about it, we can distinguish selfish from selfless lies. The distinction comes down to the objective. In the case above, flattery is a common form of deceit. Flattery typically occasions an exaggeration of facts — praised insincerely.

Phew! Are you buying this?

We label these as “white lies” and justify our actions.

If I’m being honest, I want to protect myself as well. I could have told my friend that she looked like shit, but that would have made me uncomfortable.

We even lie to ourselves

Like the guy who posted a Photoshopped abs he doesn’t have on social media. But there was a surprising problem for him: he forgot one vital detail — his belly button. By giving himself abs, he was lying; instead of a pork belly, he gave himself ripped abs.

Or the woman who bragged on social media about her score in an IQ test — pretending she had got 150 — only to paste the link to her score of 85 underneath accidentally. Why was she lying about that? Obviously, to make herself look better to others. By doing so, she was lying not only to others but also to herself.

You know what they say about lies, that you tell it long enough and begin believing it yourself.

I used to lie when I had a hard time saying no. I was so afraid to disappoint people that I would defer and compound that disappointment by saying “yes” with no intention of following through.

Yikes!

But what this leaves out is the miserable, stomach-churning guilt of sitting in the cognitive dissonance of not wanting to let someone down and knowing you’re about to.

Let me make it clear. I never enjoy fibbing. Every time I do, my heart wrings its hands while my brain tries to push through the dread. And don’t get me started on what my guts would do. Stressbelly is real, and stressarrhea is not your friend.

Sometimes, when we’ve been caught making a mistake or doing something wrong, we tend to self-justify and gloss over anything we did wrong.

It’s the reason that many people rationalize sticking with a false belief or a catastrophic course of action even when evidence shows they are dead wrong.

We all face many situations in which we will make a choice or justify it — and then lock our mental doors. It’s good to hold an educated opinion and not change it with every fad or study.

The Pinocchio story teaches responsibility. During his adventures, Pinocchio learns that taking responsibility for his actions is essential to maturity.

We have choices. We either admit and learn from the mistake or justify it and keep doing it. Lie to ourselves so that we can maintain self-esteem and our positive self-images.

For example, the awareness that “smoking is bad for me” is disharmonious with “I’m a heavy smoker,” so smokers have several discord-reducing rationalizations for persisting in that unhealthy practice: “It lowers stress,” or “It keeps me thin.”

We may lie to get an outcome we want for ourselves or others. For instance, overstating experience on a resume or in a job interview is a common way people lie to get what they want.

Lying can and does serve a Machiavellian social design. It can help someone portray a better picture of themselves than the truth or help a politician dodge an uncomfortable question.

Some lie out of fear, some to avoid hurting others’ feelings, some lie for monetary gain or for objects they deem valuable, some lie because they are just experienced at it and enjoy the fact that they believe they get away with it, and some are habitual or compulsive liars.

Whatever the reason, it certainly doesn’t feel good to be on the receiving end of deceit. I don’t feel good when I am on the receiving end of a lie. The intent behind the lie that someone tells me bothers me the most. The liar has no respect for my ability to accept the truth and no respect for me as a person, which is ironic because you just saw me lie to my friends.

So next time you hear an odd fact or someone side-stepping a question, be aware that what you think is the truth may very well be deceptive.

Being truthful, like during Pinocchio’s journey, represents personal growth, the pursuit of self-awareness, and true potential while exploring themes of external influence and the need to overcome obstacles.